The Sparkle Death Knight
by lepomme
Summary: Because it was bound to happen to some one. The knights of Acherus were just waiting for the poor sap to laugh at. Contains Thassarian, Koltira and death knight trainer shenanigans


Because let me say this...I do not know anything about Twilight other then the fact there is sparkle vampires, a fellow named Edward obsessed with a girl who makes crazy half vampire babies and a werewolf with a gazillion abs.

Never read the books, never saw the movies and a review to a story said I took the Twilight path. Hard to take the path when I don't know really anything about the book. Thus feeling in a slightly sour mood, not knowing what exactly was the "twilight-esque" part due to having no point of reference, I decided to write a very special piece of sarcastic stupidity that you will probably be akin to ta train wreck or an episode of Jersey Shore in which you cannot stop watching.

Then you will somehow enjoy it and realize that it is a bigger commentary on life and the world itself. Then you will realize...that not all people read Twilight and are aware of the allusions other then the basic pop culture things so please, if you allude to a text, point out what aspects you dislike, so the concept can be considered at length more. Thank you ^-^;

Without further adue, I present to you...

**The Sparkle Death Knight**

_Written lovingly by Le Pomme 3_

Thalanor was beside himself with confusion, nay, he was beside himself with the undeniable urge to gawk. But then ,no, gawking wasn't even the word to described what the dread commander of Ebon Hold was beholding within the nefarious necropolis of Acherus.

For ahead of him stood Thassarian who looked distraught beyond all meanings of the world. He looked terribly confused as well as he stood on the balcony wondering why every death knight was staring at him. Quite a few were turning away to hide snickers. Lord Thorval was trying to remain dignified among his smirks and Lady Alistra looked like she might explode any minute from holding in the laughter in her lungs.

The only one keeping it together was Amal'Thazad, but the lich having no way to give a facial expression to facilitate the mirth he was doubtlessly feeling. Thalanor just stared onwards as Thassarian made his way over to the dread commander with a serious expression, "Thalanor," he began his tone dead set on the task at hand, "Could you please tell me what is so funny and why everyone is staring at me?"

The dread commander just stared at him more and cleared his throat, "Well, it is like this Thassarian. Er...you see..." The command of language had defiantly left the dread commander and he cast an eye about for some sort of support.

As if answering his prayers, a death gate opened and Koltira Deathweaver strode in and paused. He looked at Thassarian and Thassarian stared right back at him. There was silence. Then the corner of Koltira's mouth twitched upwards in a slight smirk, "Why Thassarian!" he began spreading his arms wide, a look of sarcastic shock on his face, "You are positively sparkling this evening!"

It was the last straw. The entire room burst into laughter. Lady Alistra was holding her sides, crying tears of sheer mirth. Probably the only tears she ever shed. Thorval turned away his shoulders heaving as he laughed. The lich's laugh was high and twittery like a starved crow being strangled.

Thalanor couldn't fight the chuckle that escaped him at Thassarian's dumbfounded expression before he quickly rushed to find a reflective surface to look at his own reflection. There it was. The truth revealed.

"How did all this glitter get stuck to me!" Thassarian cried eyes wide in shock. Clinging to his armor, his hair, and even his skin in places was a fine dusting of sparkles that caught the light turning the Death Knight into a sequined harlequin, "How in the hell!"

Koltira chuckled and carefully brushes some of the diabolical stuff off Thassarian's shoulders, "Perhaps it was that wargen that you mentioned meeting in Stormwind just the other day. The one you pissed off by telling him to back off a girl, so I heard,"

"Oh Thassarian has a girlfriend?" Lady Alistra said with a devilish smirk.

Amal'Thazad gave another twittering laugh, "Yes! I heard that too! Leryssa was the name,"

Lady Alistra laughed and wrapped her arms about her giving a flirtatious look, "Oh Thassarian my sparkly knight, please kiss me you fool and run away with me!"

Thorval grinned and gave a bow and an imitation of Thassarian's voice puffing his chest out, "On my beloved Leryssa, I must go sparkle in the sun and look ungodly beautiful to mortals. I cannot be with you my love for I am dead and as miserable as Darion on any given day of the week,"

Thassarian was grinding his teeth hunched up more angry and sparkling like a dazzling flamboyant goblin suit. Koltira was trying not to laugh. He turned away shaking his head hiding his grin behind a hand at the antics of the trainers.

"Dear Thassarian! I love you forever! I want to have your zombie death knight babies that would bring world doom!" Lady Alistra responded putting a hand to her forehead dramatically.

"Oh yes Leryssa! Let us make sweet kissy faces that will make the teenage population gasp in wonder!" he replied smoothly.

Thassarian couldn't take anymore and scooped up a good bit of the sparkly powder off his armor and got a good deal on his hands before rubbing the pretty purplish glitter into the hair of the two trainers, "You idiots! Leryssa is my sister!" He roared.

Then there was three sparkle death knights and Koltira burst out laughing before a ticked Alistra hit him with some of the sparkles. Then it migrated. To say the least Ebon Hold was bedazzling inside setting off the dark dreary darkness with a rainbow of extravagance.

The ending was inevitable. When Highlord Darion Mograine returned from a meeting of the world leaders, he was not impressed with the Knights of the Sparkling Blade. The sight of a group of death knights and one lich being forced to jump into a pool of sludgy dirty water filled with all matters of swamp muck and smelt faintly of rotten skunk, ghoul vomit, and the armpits of an abomination was rather amusing.

Being covered in swamp bile was more pleasing to look at then the purple glitter that blinded those who dared to gaze on the Death Knights of Acherus. The whole incident is, of course, never mentioned.

No one wants to remember the day of the sparkle death knights. There is only so much dignity one can assume in the face of total sparkle-lization.

and that, my friends, readers, reviewers, fellow geeks, raiders, and death knight lovers, is all I know about Twilight in two and a sentence pages. Enjoy.

The sequel will be a bit in coming now that I'm wondering which part is the twilight part...I don't like being compared to anything that has to vaguely do with any sort of undead that sparkles...


End file.
